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I am married to a
person, who tortures me continuously and then asks for forgiveness each time. I
feel he has a split personality - he is very good outside but has a wild and intolerable
behaviour in the house. I feel cheated as all these facts were hidden by his family
from me. Please let me know why all this is happening to me and how do I come out
of it before it is too late.
-Savita
Your question has basically two aspects. The first is domestic abuse. Through the
centuries, women have traditionally been treated badly by men and wives serve as
servants to their husbands. This was acceptable in the past and gradually is becoming
unacceptable. We obviously see where your husband falls on this graph of change:
he is backward, thoughtless, and abusive. The question is, where do you fall on
this graph? We didn't know much about your background to get many clues. But rest
assured, his abuse of you should be regarded as unacceptable. It may take time to
extricate yourself from this bad situation, but you should take steps today, not
tomorrow. The second aspect is that may be your husband is seriously sick and he
needs treatment and this may also be possible that his family is also unware of
his sickness. So make your mind and help out yourself.
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I am 50 years old, have been married for
30 years and I am going through much anxiety and confusion. My marriage is a love
marriage, and it has always been difficult. We come from different cultures and
have been different in our thinking. I was only out of fear that I have lived through
my marriage. I could never discuss my problems. Now our children have left home
and I feel very lonely and lost as there is nothing between me and my husband.
-Rashmi
Your letter is heartrending. The essential problem
is that you never felt worthy to have your own life. You have completely adapted
to another person. You became powerless and a victim in your own home. To toss your
own self away is a tragedy. Your primary issue is whether you deserve to own a self,
to claim your life as your own. The self is hidden inside you, waiting for you to
say, "I am the owner of my life, no one else." The day you can say that will bring
new possibilities to you.
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